Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Secrets

1. Mine
i couldn't bear to tell a soul here about it. in the past, i have told a couple of individuals about it but alas, non of them seem to care anymore. maybe it was too heavy a burden to carry with them. it was probably my mistake for thinking that they would understand and be there for me in my moments of weakness. unfortunately, people drift away from each other and now, we're no longer in touch.

tonight, i almost let my guards down. after receiving a call from her, i was devastated. with the phone in my hand, i was so close to dialing the number, but when i glance at the clock it was almost two in the morning. no one would entertain me at this hour even if i were to cry my eyes out. for a moment there, i really wanted to let go of everything. i wanted to stop hiding and share the secret with the one i know i can trust. however, my pride got in the way. i cannot appear as a weakling. a brave front is the only thing i'm hanging on to right now. at least not many people will try to take advantage of you.

2. Yours
i have no idea what you really want from me. your actions i have to decode and most of the time, i fail. do you want to remain as pals or do you want to be more than just friends? it is too risky for me to conclude without solid proof from you.

nevertheless, my concern for your wellbeing will always be a priority. i will offer my ears when everyone refuses to listen, a shoulder to cry on when you feel the world has turned its back on you, be silly just to see you smile again and your fairy godmother to fix whatever that is making you miserable. i am first and foremost your friend and because i'm uncertain of your true feelings, i shall remain the same until you're ready to come clean with me.

as for me, whatever i feel, it was all your doing. i tried really hard to convince myself that it was nothing special for all this time, but with only one gesture, all my effort crumbles before my eyes. you stole my heart little by little and now i'm confused. i am not brave enough to ask and i'm too afraid to make a move. maybe it is better if things are left unknown..

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