relationships?

what is it about relationships that got me so intrigued? these things have been occupying my mind these past few days. i may even start to appear to be desperate. honestly, i don't believe so. it is the stuff around me, like the things i hear or the things i was told, that got me thinking about it constantly. i realize that i shouldn't plan for anything to happen cos the best things will happen when you least expect it. home is where i should be right now. at least i can distract myself from everything that has been going on (at least i think it has) here.

being set up by my own classmates with my junior is kinda pathetic don't you think? especially when he shows no interest whatsoever in me. it's funny really. but then again, i can't help but feel like i'm being sold at bargain price as part of the rejected items. being single is not that bad is it? i mean, i'm allowed to show my affections towards anyone i like with no constraints. why do they have to make such a big deal out of it? i know my mum is very happy about my current situation. lol. she never had to deal with any of her children's relationship problems cos non of us have ever been in one. i thought it was the dream of every parent to see their children doing well in their studies and leave the relationship part for later. i was so wrong. some parents actually gets worried when no one is showing interest in their child. that is obviously not the case for my parents.

truth be told, i am kinda worried myself. how is it in my almost 22 years of living, no one has ever showed their interest towards me? a person ought to feel that there must be something wrong with her in this case. but then again, maybe now is not the right time. the Mighty One knows that i am probably not ready to handle it. i personally think so too. i am emotionally fragile. however, it'll be nice to have someone confess their feelings to me one of these days. lol.

silent love. hmmm.. i think it's romantic but it can be risky at the same time. these people might just miss out the chance of starting a relationship with each other. but does that just mean they're not meant to be together? sighs.. these things can be really confusing, especially when you're a girl. i speak for all girls out there when i say that we ladies cepat syok sendiri la~ haha. even the slightest act of kindness from the opposite sex can be misunderstood for the sign of affection. when this happens, we will start dreaming about what could happen next and our expectations will begin to get higher and higher. however, even if the object of our interest do not meet our expectations, we will still ike them the same. all sorts of excuses we will make to pardon the shortcomings of the so called significant other. yea, we're funny like that.

i can be superficial when it comes to these things but what i discovered about myself was people can definitely make me fall for them. lol. i may have zero feelings for them initially but as they continue to be very nice to me, they begin to own a piece of my heart. and sometimes, i might even be tempted to give it to them whole. it's a good thing i'm a logical person. i can brush this things off pretty easily.  i can convince myself that these people are just being nice without any hidden meaning behind their actions. as long as you remain mum about your feelings, i will never truly believe that there is something special going on. but of course, i will continue being a good friend because i refuse to lose any companion due to this matter. i hope people won't mistake it as a game of tug of war because it isn't, i'm just waiting for you to make the first move.

all i want to do is focus on my studies right now. that is the only thing that will secure me a rice bowl in the future, for my family and myself. i shouldn't be distracted by something so uncertain as relationships. i'm not saying i will never be involved in one, that will be wrong. i'll just leave it to fate to decide when i shall stop leading a lonely life without a significant other.