I’m sorry I let you down. I’m frustrated with myself too actually. I don’t feel alive anymore for some reason. Everything I do, those are just a routine. It seems that I’m doing it because I have to and not because I want to. nothing excites me anymore these days.
It’s funny how I can want something more for others than for myself. When I’m in a team, I do my best in order not to let my team down and not because I don’t want to let myself down. Why do I work so hard to serve others but I can’t do the same for myself? Why do I feel the need to please others so much? It has now occur to me that I have such low expectations for myself and the ultimate reason for my life is to serve others.
Martina is latin for warrior. I have such a strong name but I don’t live up to it. I am inconsistent and people think that being stagnant is bad, well, moving backwards instead of forward is far worse. I don’t feel the desire to work or fight for anything. Is it because I don’t feel that I am deserving or am I just plain lazy?
What is wrong with me?! why do I feel like I’m losing the will to live? I guess it all started with sukan fasa..being involve in so many things and not being good in any of it can be extremely demotivating. Then, someone came up to me and say “there’s nothing special about you”. Now, that hurts a lot. In a way, it got me thinking “why do I need to work so hard for something when there others who are so much better than me out there?” have I given up on life entirely?
I’m losing myself and I seriously do not know what to do anymore..
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