what happens when you care too much?

ok, i don't know what else to do, so i'll just "explode" here.

how can you not tell me that you were sick?! you know what kind of thoughts went through my mind just to find a reason why you went MIA?! OMG, i'm upset. sighs.. i don't know why, maybe it's just that time of the month. but yeah, i'm pissed and on the verge of vurstin g into tears!. it's not like we're worlds apart or anything. sejengkal ja kot. i was shocked to hear about your ordeal and i wish there was something i could have done...

sighs.. when i think about it again, you don't have the obligation to tell me anything. we're just acquaintances after all. i guess maybe it makes me sad that i didn't matter? i don't know. i do understand that it is just how you do things, keeping it to yourself and all. i respect your privacy and i'm probably crossing the line here.

and to think about it, perhaps i would have done the same thing. wait, i am doing exactly the same thing, but i have my own reasons for it. but then again, i guess you have yours too. it's probably a family affair and things tend to get complicated when strangers are involved. you know how news travels faster than lightning right. it just occurs to me that when it is a health problem, it is good if more people knew about it because
1. they'll pray for your safety
2. they can be more aware of the sickness

you're lucky you know, to have so many people who cares. i can tell you that not everyone has that privilege. i guess i'm saying you shouldn't take it for granted but hey, that's just what i think and we all know that thoughts do not stand without solid proof right? sighs.. lol. i'm sighing a lot, aren't i?

now i'm glad that i have a blog. at least i have a place to pen down my emotions aka rant, complain, get excited, breakdown and cry. haha. but sometimes, words still fails you know. you still have to let the sorrow melts away with the tears. memang cobaan. huhu. hence, it is better not to care for someone in the first place like i have mentioned in my previous post. things tend to get too personal and i will start to get attached.

Ya Allah, please give me guidance. i must not dwell on these feelings any longer because it will only bring more harm than good to myself. give me strength and patience. allow me to focus only on things that really matters and abandon those that will lead me astray. i cannot go through this alone..