I was talking to a friend last night about how life is like a basket full of fruits, where you reach your hand in, expecting for an apple but instead you end up with an orange in hand. Life don’t always provide you with the things you want. Correction. Life OFTEN do not provide you with the things you want. You have to make do with the things you have and of course it is easier said than done.
Let’s say you are getting to know someone and that person didn’t turn out to be the person you expect them to be; what then? Do you stop being friends with them? Do you disregard everything that you’ve ever had with them? I feel like I’ve been subjected to this kind of situation many times before, me being the person who did not fulfill the expectations others. I am uncertain whether this is a fact or just assumptions but let me lay everything down to make things clearer.
The first thing I notice is they start distancing themselves from me. Conversations become more formal like “have you finished your assignment?” or “when do we have to submit our project?” No more casual talks regarding our days and stuff. At that point, I start to wonder if I have done something wrong or how I might have offended them unintentionally. This will go on for some time to the extend where it interferes with my daily routine. I get so preoccupied to find out what I did wrong.
More often than not, I fail to discover the reason behind the sudden change. It saddens me how one minute we are discussing our innermost thoughts and the next, we are hardly speaking to each other anymore. It baffles me how human beings can change so quickly and usually without warning, leaving me with all these questions which are frequently left unanswered. I dare not bring up this issue to them with the fear of being called paranoid or just making something out of nothing.
I wonder if I am just imagining these things or if I’m being oversensitive about the little details. I’ve tried discussing this issue with some friends but they claim that I was being too emotional about these little things. Those people might just be having a bad day or they might be dealing with a problem which they prefer to remain private. Frankly speaking, I can handle all that. All they had to do was tell me. I would totally understand and never pry because we’re all mature enough to respect each other’s privacy.
On the other hand, I might be the one making them feel uncomfortable. They befriended me with the thought that I am this type of person but it turns out that I am not. Thus, they’re sort of getting rid of me by distancing themselves and giving me the silent treatment. I understand that it is impossible to please everyone but believe me when I said that I’ve tried because I truly did to a point where I started putting everyone else first and I am always at the end of the line. It was tiring but I felt it was worth it to see them so happy at the end of the day at the price of my own.
Alas, I still couldn’t figure out what went wrong. The easiest thing to do would be to ask these people about it but I need time to gather all the strength and courage to face them. Maybe I should just let this go and forget about it. If I were to do this every time someone starts acting funny, I might just end up in a nut house one of these days. Most importantly, I don’t think I should waste my time and energy worrying about people who couldn’t give a damn about me.