sad

ok, i know i promised that i won't be all emo about this again but i seriously can't help myself. i get so sad when i see these people falling in love. i keep wondering if there's something wrong with me because these things never happen to me. i'm not saying that i want to be in a relationship but it's just nice having someone to like you. it makes you feel like you're not so bad after all, that you're worthy of someone's affection. it makes you happy and life suddenly becomes so much easier. of course i haven't experienced all that stuff personally, i'm making assumptions based on my observation and theories.

i know this is not the time to be worrying about unimportant things like this. i have one more exam to sit before before i can go home. yes, home. a place where i don't need to think about all this and just be happy with myself. sometimes i wonder why i crave so much for someone's affection. do i have a mental problem or is this condition normal?

sighs.. i've been watching We Got Married, the korean variety show and i think it has a bad influence on me. watching all the couples makes me happy but it also makes me wonder why i don't have what they have. deep in my heart, i realize that the time will come when it is my turn to be happy and i'm just not ready for it right now. imagine if i were in a relationship and we actually argued, i'll be so sad and depressed i won't be able to concentrate on anything else. my studies will become worse than it already is and i will end up a bigger loser than i was earlier.

so i will try to control my emotions and not wallow in self-pity anymore. Allah swt has given me so much to enjoy in life, i shouldn't be focusing on the negative side of things. i should be happy for what i have and stop longing for the things that i dont have. there's a reason for everything and i'm glad that He is still protecting my heart until the right moment arrives.

i have only two days left to cover 15 chapters! you know what you have to do and what's really important, martina. please don't let yourself down. you can sing along to endless love and whenever you call on your own and still make it a beautiful song <3